Do you remember the fortress Helm's Deep in the Lord of the Rings trilogy? (if you don't you should get out more) King Theoden thinks it's unbeatable, and indeed it looks like it is. But there's one flaw. The foundation. That kamakazy orc does it in for Helm's Deep, and we're all thinking our heros and screwed. Imagine that, and you've got the mind. I guess I'm thinking specifically of my mind. I go to church, gift, chapel, any number of things and I can get my fill of God time. Not to mention devotions and such. But I feel like there's something wrong with the very foundation of my mind. Somehow I can hold two conflicting ideas simultaneously. I want God to be everything. EVERYTHING. And yet I feel like there's a tiny switch that can turn it off and on at will. Should one little thing hold that much power over me? Of course not, nothing, no one, should posses that much sway. But somehow this sick cycle continues and it's making me dizzy. I just want to see the world clearly, see myself as I truly am. Not my perceptions of how other's see me. It's exhausting. 

But do you remember how that battle ends? The one at Helm's Deep? Hope comes with the dawn. Gandalf on his beautiful white horse arrives the third day riding on the ray's of the rising sun. If that's not symbolic I really don't know what is. 

So maybe there's hope for me. Maybe even before Jesus comes on his own white horse. 

Here but not yet, right? I'm hoping, praying that's so.