Missing home...

If you think I'm taking an easy way out, when what's really going on is I just don't know what to write... Well there's a small chance you're correct. But I do miss seeing these mountains everyday. Hopefully inspiration will hit me tomorrow.

What would the world be, once bereft
Of wet and wildness?  Let them be left,
O let them be left, wildness and wet,
Long live the weeds and the wildness yet.
~Gerard Manley Hopkins, Inversnaid

Do you remember the fortress Helm's Deep in the Lord of the Rings trilogy? (if you don't you should get out more) King Theoden thinks it's unbeatable, and indeed it looks like it is. But there's one flaw. The foundation. That kamakazy orc does it in for Helm's Deep, and we're all thinking our heros and screwed. Imagine that, and you've got the mind. I guess I'm thinking specifically of my mind. I go to church, gift, chapel, any number of things and I can get my fill of God time. Not to mention devotions and such. But I feel like there's something wrong with the very foundation of my mind. Somehow I can hold two conflicting ideas simultaneously. I want God to be everything. EVERYTHING. And yet I feel like there's a tiny switch that can turn it off and on at will. Should one little thing hold that much power over me? Of course not, nothing, no one, should posses that much sway. But somehow this sick cycle continues and it's making me dizzy. I just want to see the world clearly, see myself as I truly am. Not my perceptions of how other's see me. It's exhausting. 

But do you remember how that battle ends? The one at Helm's Deep? Hope comes with the dawn. Gandalf on his beautiful white horse arrives the third day riding on the ray's of the rising sun. If that's not symbolic I really don't know what is. 

So maybe there's hope for me. Maybe even before Jesus comes on his own white horse. 

Here but not yet, right? I'm hoping, praying that's so.  

Well... now I don't know what to blog about. I said I would try to write one every day but I didn't anticipate not having anything to say.
Hmmmm...
Well I was recently notified that a song I had posted awhile back didn't work anymore. So I guess I'll just repost that for your enjoyment. Till next time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0085_FUpics

Something to be thankful for...

I went to Faith and Film tonight. For those of you who aren't familiar with the term, it's just a bunch of people who watch a movie and talk about it afterwards. It was my first time and it was definitely well worth a friday night. We watched The Fall. Really an interesting story with amazing graphics. Everything a movie should be, if you ask me. Music was great too. To be honest I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I was really affected by both the movie and the discussion afterwards, but I'm not sure how to describe what it was for me. I really loved it. I guess that's the easiest way to put it. It was a combination of doing something I already love, with people I love, and having a great discussion afterwards. Usually discussions feel like homework for me. Or a class where I'm scared to voice my opinion. But it wasn't like that tonight. I had thoughts that I wanted to get out there, to see what other's thought about it.
Fellowship.
That's what it was. Ha, seriously, that word just came to me now. I don't know why I didn't think of it before. Fellowship. It's a truly a magnificent gift from God. Beauty in it's purest form.
That's something to be thankful for.

Just a feeling

Do you ever have moments, sometimes days, where you're heart actually seems to ache? I don't know, maybe it's just me, but every once in awhile I get in one of these moods and I swear I can feel that organ throbbing in my chest. It feels like I could cry, but somehow crying would be... a betrayal of the feeling. I'm probably not describing it very well, but there it is. If I think about it clearly and objectively, I can see a pattern to this odd "mood". It's usually when I loose focus on the big picture. It's when I forget just how much God has blessed me, when that certain person doesn't glance my way, that I get all caught up in myself.
The weirdest thing about it though, is that sometimes I like it.
Sometimes I want to feel miserable.
That's one thing I can't explain away.  

What am I thinking?

Happy New Year! Better late than never, right? I'm hoping so :)

In my last post I mentioned switching majors and how I was a little nervous but mostly excited. Well, as of now... I'm a little nervous... but mostly excited :) I love my english classes (minus one) and I think I did make the right decision in switching. I've discovered, or rediscovered I should say, just how much I love English classes. But more importantly, how much I love story. I've always loved to read, watch movies, write... I just live off that stuff. I love to be exposed to new worlds, and in turn create them. 

I'm taking a screenwriting class right now (which I absolutely love), and we've been reading a book by Donald Miller. Maybe you've heard of him. He's the dude who wrote Blue like Jazz. This one is called A million miles in a Thousand years. It's a really awesome book about how a couple writers teamed up with with Miller to write a movie loosely based on his life. Along the way we learn how to write a good script but more importantly how to live a great story. How we need events in our lives to force us into taking risks. AKA an Inciting Incident. It also said how writers need to write every day, even when they don't feel like it. Well I guess this is my inciting incident. I'm telling the world (haha) that I'm going to write a post each day just to keep in "shape" so-to-speak. I guess it's not much of a turning point, seeing as there's not much risk in the endeavor other than embarrassing myself if I fail. But hopefully it's a start. 

I've said before that all too often I give in to fear. This is still true, a fact of which I'm none too proud of. But with the start of this Post-a-Day deal, I'm hoping and praying God leads me into a story worthy of one who is the Great Storyteller. One where fear may be present, but not controlling. 

"It's true that while ambition creates fear, it also creates the story. But it's a good trade, because as soon as you point toward a horizon, life no longer feels meaningless. And suddenly there is risk in your story and a question about whether you'll make it." - Donald Miller, A million miles in a Thousand years. 

What am I thinking? Well I've been thinking that maybe living a great story is more important than fear. Maybe God's writing one for me right now. In fact, I'm sure of it. Let's not be a waste of God's own image any longer. Let's do something.